ON THE COVER: Lost in translation - By Jenny UechiJan 19 2006
You’ve undoubtedly seen them in and around your neighbourhood: young, fresh-faced international students, hanging out in downtown coffee shops and libraries, chatting with friends. They’re total strangers — until, one day, your spouse announces that you’ll be taking on a homestay student. Sure, you say, shrugging; you’ll take them out to a few hockey games, chat about Canadian culture. How hard could it be? That is, until the day you’re at the airport, standing face-to-face with your Romanian guest, and the only thing that comes to your mind is the shrill chrous and thundering Eurodance beats of O-Zone’s “Ma-la-Hii.” Suddenly, you’ve got the unsettling feeling that you might not be ready for this. In Vancouver, where there are more international students per capita than in any other city in Canada, almost everyone knows somebody who has hosted a homestay student. Owing to its warm climate and (reputedly) friendly atmosphere, Vancouver is — in case you missed the commercials — the “Best Place on Earth,” and students come from around the world to make us prove it. As 2006 ushers in a new wave of international students, we’ve drawn from some real-life stories to help potential new homestay families prepare for inevitable scenarios of cultural confusion. HHH I have two homestay students: one is Korean, the other is Japanese. They’re both very sweet, but they use an excessive amount of hot water, taking 30-minute showers or baths every single day. I’ve tried to ask them to cut back because we all share the same water tank, but they don’t seem to get it. Can you help? Troubled Waters Dear TW: First of all, rest assured that you’re not alone. Hot water has been the bane of host families for years. There’s a saying in Japanese — “To spend money like hot water” — which means to spend lavishly as though there was a limitless supply. It goes to show how abundantly hot water is used there, as in Korea, where water is subsidized by the government. This isn’t meant to justify the fact that your angelic guests are leaving you with freezing baths; I’m just letting you know that they’re not doing it out of malice. Put a sign on your shower door indicating the 10-to-15-minute time limit, and explain your situation clearly so that there are no hard feelings caused. Help! My Spanish homestay student keeps coming home after 9 p.m. and cooking dinner late in the evening. My husband and I have two small children, and it’s disruptive to hear the pots clanging at a late hour. He’s rarely ever home when we serve dinner at 5:30 p.m. and doesn’t touch the leftovers I leave him. Is he trying to avoid us, or does he just hate my cooking? Both? Disgruntled Cook Dear Disgruntled: Since your student is in a homestay program to interact with you, and because he’s paying for meals, it’s better for both of you if he’s home for dinner. Five-thirty might be a bit early, as 9 or 10 p.m. is the normal dinnertime in Spain. Sit down and talk with him about why he’s never home for meals. Is he busy with friends? Is 6 or 7 p.m. a better time? It might turn out that he actually is snubbing you and your cooking, but at least give him a chance to explain why.
I recently ran into into my Korean homestay student on Davie Street, and I was shocked to see her walking arm-in arm with another Korean (I think) student. They’re both girls! Do you think my homestay student is a lesbian? Spooked Dear Spooked: Not necessarily — but even if she was, would that make her any less welcome in your home? Alex Park of the Kim Okran International Studies Info Centre explains: “In Korea, it’s common for straight girls — and even straight guys — to hold hands with their friends.” But don’t assume anything: she may very well be a lesbian, having a blast in the gay-friendly West End. Your student’s choice of hand-holding partners, at any rate, is her business, and shouldn’t change your treatment of her in your household.I’m planning on taking on a homestay student to help pay my bills, and will be placing an ad in some Japanese newspapers. Do you think $700 is a reasonable amount to pay? Kits Mommy Dear Kits: Seven-hundred dollars is reasonable, but a word of caution: impure motives often ruin the homestay experience. Homestays were designed for cultural exchange, not for turning a profit. Ehab Al-Zanaty of the Vancouver Homestay Agency agrees: “When we accept host families, money is a good motivation if it is accompanied with a sincere wish to help a student. Money should not be the only motivation, since host families who believe so may find the task of hosting a student tiresome, and they may end up losing this source of income after all.” What’s more, arranging homestays privately, instead of going through an agency, could get you burned. Jodie Becker, the homestay coordinator for Bodwell College, says, “People who arrange privately don’t have any protection. Families could have students leave without notice or have things stolen, and there’s no protection against it.” Anyway, she adds, given the cost of food, electricity and water, there’s very little profit to be made by the host family. So, there you have it. In your case, you’ll probably want to consider renting out your room instead. It’s far less responsibility, and a much more effective way to earn money.
My new Columbian homestay student, Lina, is the perfect woman. She’s hot, she’s got a great sense of humour, and the kids love her. Do you think I should reveal my true feelings toward her? Crazy in Love I don’t care if Lina is the woman of your dreams — you’re a homestay parent! Parents can’t go about seducing the kids in their household, regardless of how ‘hot’ he or she may be. Homestay agencies have strict rules against this kind of relationship, and with good reason: Lina is in a very vulnerable situation in your home. Do NOT reveal your feelings to your student. p.s. If you have a disintegrating marriage, think twice about taking on a homestay student. Students don’t travel halfway around the globe to become instruments of a family breakup.
Are political issues taboo to discuss with homestay students? I have a student from Morocco, and our relationship was fine until I brought up Islam and its role in her country’s politics. I was very polite and respectful about it, but she didn’t respond very well and has been avoiding me since. Was it wrong to ask? Distraught Topics like terrorism, drug trafficking and religion tend to be off limits unless your student brings them up. Try picking up a copy of Understanding Your International Students (University of Michigan Press, 2003), which gives insights on the top taboo topics for different nationalities. Even the most politely phrased questions, though, can have a nails-on-chalkboard effect if they’re being used to point out how messed up the student’s country is compared to Canada. Invite your student out for coffee and let her know that you won’t be bringing up such topics in the future. HHH These are just a few examples, but we hope they haven’t scared you away from the prospect of hosting an international student. A homestay is a life-changing experience, and it gives you the chance to learn a great deal about your own culture, as well as another person’s, during the process. Mistakes will be made, lessons will be learned, but as El-Zanaty points out, a good homestay experience will “contribute to Canada’s image abroad, which will, in turn, affect our relations with the rest of world for generations to come.”
